another week passed. started off well, till near the end of it.
started to think a lot. whether i am doing things that are extra. sometimes, i just feel that things that i do is unneccessary and extra. things that will never be appreciated by others. when the air con is cold, cover blanket for others, when the weather is hot, ask them to drink up. doing more things myself such that others can relax and do their own things. why am i making myself so tired when such things are never taken note or appreciated. haiz. making sure that everything at my station is well taken care of. when officers are coming, initiated to tidy up the whole place, cleaning up everything, tiring myself with such misc stuffs where everyone else thinks that what i am doing is redunctant. i guess, something must really happen before everyone will realise that such things can happen.
that goes the same for my buddy, doing so much things, just to make sure that everyone at sea side will be protected from officers. making sure that everyone will have their weekends free. sometimes, even having to go against our own batch of friends. i guess such things will never be appreciated. haiz.
sometimes, i feel that i am a failure. up to now, my people still unable to do simple chores. the most simple chore that i can find at my station! if only i did teach them properly in the past, such things will not happen today. i guess i rely too much on my junior batches to teach the newest coxswains already. if i did not rely on them so much, i would have taken them personally, and such mistakes will never be committed. haiz. its all my fault! that coxswains standard are dropping.
i guess in future, i should just care about things that concern me and my station. as long as i do not get an extras or confinement, i think i should be contented. afterall, who will care if i care about others so much? nobody wants to do anything even if i say anything. nobody even wants to move or correct their mistakes after i mention it. so, just do things that are in my jobscope. the rest, just heck. probably in a couple of duty cycles more, i will step down and things that happen at romeo will not and never concern me again!
feeling quite emo today, so dont bother about me. i guess i will be alrights tomorrow, after one night's sleep.
