back. long time since i come here to leave an entry.
having lots of different feelings this month. no idea why, but whenever i see him taking a puff, i feel disappointed and felt cheated. but why?? i am not related to him in anyway, but why do i care so much? probably cos i just dont wan to see another guy turn to smoking? i just hate myself for not being able to do anything to prevent bl from smoking. now its cs. is smoking really so satisfying? i just dont get it, why do i always feel so bad and disappointed when i see him take a puff? i am in no position to comment on anyone's personal life. initially, thought he was just a social one, but today saw him with a pack, i guess he is not a social anymore. felt a sudden ache in my heart. maybe i am just being emotional. i guess i need to learn how to let go and not care about certain things too much.
wells, getting used to life in ns now, being an ic is not an easy task, but it does make me learn lots of things. getting to know all 16 coxswains well is not an easy task, but i am sure i will be able to do it. all 16 of them are just like my brothers, or part of me, it does hurt me much to see someone sad or being neglected. sometimes, i do feel the pain when i scold them. regreted scolding them after i just scolded them. felt that i was too much at times. but its always too late. but i guess they will never understand me, thinking that i am always trying to pick on them, making life difficult for them? yups, no need to tell me, but i can sense it myself. haiz. not easy being an ic, being too relaxed, probably things will never be done. being strict, people will start t hate you.
okays, on a lighter note, i went shopping!! spent near to 100 bucks in just a weekend shopping! i wanna go shopping more!!
